Just A Minute! — Quotidian — 464

(Transcript of video originally posted on 09 Apr 2023)

They call this an Internet Minute. One minute.. What happens in that one minute, in the Internet. This company called DOMO, has been launching an infographic.. “Data Never Sleeps” they call it. If you look at the 2023 version of it, 1.7 million posts on Facebook, 66000 images on Instagram, 350,000 posts on Twitter, and it continues… 6 million searches on Google, and in Tinder! 1 million swipes on Tinder! And it continues like that.. So much happens in a single minute.. Even if you are just a consumer, you have too much to consume.. It is almost like drinking from a firehose! YouTube? The location you are watching this video itself? 500 hours of new video every minute!

Compare it with 2013, ten years ago.. At that time, 48 hours of content was being created every minute. Ten times as much! So, I forgive you if you are not going to watch this video till the end!

In this episode, Four Hundred and Sixty Four, we are going to see the magnificence of the Minute. In just one minute. What happens.. What can happen.. That is what we are going to see..

This self-help Tamasha… The category of books, videos, lectures, workshops, courses, .. the ones that encourage you to “help yourself”.. there has always been a two-mind kind of dilemma about it. If you go to a bookshop, you will see books like these. “Power of YES” on one side.. “Power of NO” on the other side. “Secret is to WORK MORE” will be sitting pretty close to “Secret is to WORK LESS”.. “Less is More”, they will claim. Are they doing it on purpose? This talking in paradoxes? You will be left wondering.

I have always been of the opinion that this is self-contradictory. What is Self-Help after all? It is all about a person doing it by themselves, yes? In that case, if you go looking for help, this is how the bookshelf should be! There should be a small note there, saying, “You have come to the right place.. Start working on it! Do it yourself!” Do you agree?

They used to tell this story, about a boiler. A complicated boiler. The Owner tries to repair it.. He is not able to fix it. After many days of hard work, he throws up his hands, calls the Expert. The Expert is a pretty old guy, he comes, keeps his walking stick on the side, and then, just taps it in one strategic location, and the boiler starts running. The Owner is all praise. All thankful. And then, the old man sends the bill. Twenty-two thousand dollars, is the bill. “WHAAAT?” the Owner complains, “All you did was just tap on the side!” To which the Expert calmly explains, “Hey, I have charged just one dollar for the Tap. But, knowing where to tap? How hard to tap? And when? That has taken me decades of careful learning, stumbling, struggling, … That is what I have charged 21,999 dollars for!” So, yes, to learn some good lessons in life, you need to go the long way. But, there are people who have gone the long way, done a lot of research, and given you that kernel, that small gem, the distilled drop, the crystallised version.. You can accept that too, without too much effort… is the lesson we learn from this book.

It is called 59 seconds. It is authored by a wise man, a Richard Wiseman. In the foreword to the book, he introduces a lady, Sofia.. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get her picture, so I took an AI-generated model, who doesn’t really exist! But, Sofia and this author are having lunch, and she asks a question, “Hey, what do you think about these books that say ‘Improve your happiness quotient’, ‘Improve your creativity’, these self-help books, what do you think about these?” And, Richard responds, “I am in that business myself, but, tell me, how much time do you have, to spend on these things?” And Sofia responds, only half-laughingly, (which is probably the time we all have too!), “About a minute?” And, that’s when it dawns on the author, “Yes, one minute, .. that’s all we have.. What can we convey to our customers, to our readers, to the people looking for solutions, in one minute? What can we distil and crystallise..” That is what this book is all about.

It is basically structured in a pretty formatted manner. There would be a central theme. He would explode a commonly-believed myth, first up. He would quote amazing research, data, that dispels that myth. And, he will bring a beautiful tip, something you can try today, in your own life. That’s the format we are going to see, for the next four chapters.

Interviewing. You apply for a job. You make a presentation. How to ace that interview? How to ensure you get through? What’s the myth, though? It is NOT ABOUT YOUR SKILLS. They are not going to take the final decision simply based on your capability and skillset. Again, this is backed by research. He gives a lot of data. Recent research. Go check it out. What’s important instead? Likeability. They should like you when they look at you and interact with you. How do you ensure you are likeable? Don’t say bad things about the company you are coming from. Be presentable. Even if it sounds like old-fashioned advice, that smile is so important, he says. Especially the Duchenne version of it.. the smile that reaches your eyes.. is so important. He also talks about a particular research, where, when you speak ill of somebody else, those listening to you will not only learn that this somebody-else is such, but will also INFER that this person who is currently speaking is a carrier of those same bad qualities. Almost as if they impute the quality you are talking about, from that other person. So, say good things about the people around you, more important, about the people not around you. Your struggles, your sufferings, your failures, your not-so-great parts of your life.. if you are going to anyway have to spill those.. (invariably, every one of us have those dark chapters in our life), ensure you do that before they form a conclusive opinion, an impression about you. Because, most interviewers feel that you created a “Maya”, you cheated them almost, holding the bad news for last. Put it up front, the author says. And, finally, he says, Don’t come through as too perfect. Nobody wants Superman. They want a weakness. They want to be able to relate to you. If you don’t have that relatability, sorry.. he says. Even when the interview is in progress, there may be a mistake. You may spill coffee. You may have missed doing something that is critical, crucial. At that time, to apologise, to blow up beyond limit, to attract the attention of those who may not even have noticed it in the first place.. is the wrong thing to do! I won’t tell you the episode number! But, one full episode of Quotidian, I performed it with my fly open.. After the shoot, I realised it to my consternation. You didn’t notice it! Of course, you didn’t notice it.. Things are all fine, until I told you about it! So, people are busy, people are full of themselves, don’t obsess about perfection, don’t try to blow up small mistakes that happen matter-of-fact-ly. That’s the advice he gives.

The second chapter is about Motivation. Who doesn’t dream of dunking a basketball like Kobe Bryant? Go above the level of the ring, and punch the ball in! I have a poster of Kobe at home. People say this is THE BEST WAY! Visualise! Creative visualisation is THE WAY to find that ultimate goal. But, what does our author say? Sorry, wrong! Do not fantasise! They are not going to help you! In fact, he quotes research where, if you fantasise about something, some idol, some destination, if you do that, you tend to work less hard! Some part of your brain seems to tell the other part.. “Hey, haven’t we reached our destination already?!” Strange, but that is what is happening, he says. Instead, try this! He says, take concrete steps! We have seen much in this domain. If we are to implement a project, if we are to execute a plan, remember “Will it make the boat go faster?” — Concrete is important! Cut it up into five parts. And, if any of those five parts is too large to handle, cut that one up into five further parts! And he also says, tell everybody around you. Nobody is going to really blame you for not reaching it. Probably they won’t even be appreciating you if you reach it. But, the fact, simply the fact that you have told somebody, makes you accountable. Guess to what extent? You don’t even need to tell everybody in the world. Whatever is in your mind, just speak it out.. Whatever you speak out, just write it down. The act of putting pen to paper, writing it down in concrete physical atoms goes a long way, he says. And finally, he says, surely you are going to near the eventual goal. But, along the way, those highway laybyes that you encounter along the way, reward youself. And, reward yourself meaningfully..! If you are on a diet, just because you have been on a diet successfully for 21 days, don’t treat yourself to a sinfully large sundae! You can’t eat icecream sundaes! You can reward yourself meaningfully. Something that will motivate you even more to reach that goal. That is how you motivate yourself, not by idle daydreaming and fantasising.

The next chapter is about… we just finished daydreaming, this one is about brainstorming. The moment you hear the word, immediately, you will recall the single most important advice that we have been repeatedly hearing, from way back in 1920! “Come together!” they say. “If four or five people come together, it is unbelievable, how many amazing ideas you will be able to generate!”, they say. Sorry, wrong, says our author. He says, it is not going to be Groupthink. You have to come up with the germ of an idea yourself, and probably for final touches, and probably for validation and verification, and probably for remixing with the other person’s idea, that might be useful. But not until then. An idea is a baby. Fragile. Easily choked. You will have to breathe life into it, nurture it, he says. And he gives two examples why this Groupthink should be avoided. The first reason? He calls it “Diffused Responsibility”. He quotes research again, about how they gave a rope to a single person and asked that person to pull hard and lift a weight. They didn’t tell what that weight was. This person tried, tried, tried, to his level best, and brought something up. Then, five people joined.. They must be able to lift approximately five times that much? They found out, when all five pulled together, each of them thought that probably the other person should also bear some of the effort, probably I am overdoing it, .. and thus, relaxed a bit, and so, not even five times, not even four times, just three times the single person’s weight was capable of being pulled by those five people. What a “Diffused Responsibility” problem, did you see? And yes, one more reason why Groupthink doesn’t work, why when you are asked to do something together, you are not able to do that, it is because you are not able to get instant feedback. You will notice it when you play tug-of-war. When playing one-on-one, you will pull and immediately feel the tension. But when there are ten on this side and ten on the other side, teamwork comes into play, orchestration plays an important role, and there is almost no place for individual thought. And, for creative endeavours, individual thought is so important. Without that, it won’t simply work. Another tidbit, advice he gives, is to prime the environment. If you want to be creative, the wallpaper in your halls can contain something that is off the mark. Something that is non-uniform. He quotes a very interesting research, along the way. “Come up with creative names for…” is the task, given to two groups of people. The first group of people, before being assigned the task, are asked to just think about punks, think about rock stars, think about nomads, and they are asked to write whatever comes to mind about them. And, the other group? They are asked to think about mathematicians and scientists and engineers. Write whatever comes to mind. Now, having completed the task, “Come up with creative names for..” they are told. Those who thought about punks, rockstars, came up with interesting ideas.. Just priming them. Green color, he says, primes you better. For generations, human beings have connected red to blood, blood to danger.. while at the same time, have connected green to trees, and trees means fruits, fruits means food! So, they like green, they hate red, and when you are panicking, you can’t be creative! So, priming becomes such an important factor in your environment. Do that!

The next chapter is about living happier. How does a family remain happy? Relationships, friendships, .. how do they remain happy? Pick up any relationship book, and you will be immediately accosted by this phrase, “Active Listening”! He explodes that myth, right away. What is active listening, by the way? A says something to b. And, B responds with, “I have been listening. I understand what you are saying. I may not agree with what you are saying, but I support you.. I empathise with you. I relate to you. Now..” and they launch into their own version of the narrative and argument. This Active Listening doesn’t really help. Look at this research.. and the author lists page after page of antipatterns. So, what helps, in relationships? He says, understand the minutiae. Learn about the finer points. Husband. Wife. Manager. Friend. Relative. Whoever that may be. Understand their likes and dislikes to the minute level. Do you know their favourite color? Do you know the genre of movie they prefer to watch? Do you know their t-shirt size? Talk about these things. Understand these things. Nothing prepares that relationship with a better platform than understanding those tiny details about that person. And he offers proof too, for that! And then he says, partnership is important. A friend, a spouse, whoever that is, there has to be a partnership based on activities. Do something together! They are your husband, they are your wife, they are your friend, but what do you do together? Watching TV together doesn’t count. Working in the same company, on the same project doesn’t count. What do you do together? What is that person an activity partner to you for? Especially, the body is controlled by the mind, but the body, in turn, controls the mind too! He gives beautiful research-based examples for this fact too! “We like going for walks, we like lazing around in the beach!”… Sorry! That doesn’t count, according to the author, as an activity. You have to sweat it out! You have to get your heart pumping faster than usual for your relationship to bud and blossom. Why? Again, the body controls the mind..! When you sweat it out like that, when your heart goes pumping, deep inside, your subconscious tells, “Hey, usually, when you are with a person you really like, I have noticed your heartbeat go faster. Now, your heart is beating very fast.. Probably, you are with a person you like a lot!!” — such is the Causation-Correlation Confusion that it creates for you! Try it out! And let me know how it goes! And finally, he alludes to a ratio called Five-To-One. It was originally cited by Dale Carnegie himself. If a person makes one bitter remark, or offers one acerbic criticism to another, for that criticism to completely vanish, for it to be completely nullified, it is not enough if there is one positive remark from the same person.. You seem to need FIVE positives! That is how bad the game is. How sensitive our mind is.. Five to one! Remember! If you shout at a person or get angry, you need to make amends five times! Good advice! Again, backed by research!

He introduces a beautiful word, “But”. And, he says, in relationships, among the thousands that they had surveyed, when they summarise and look at the big picture to find out who is happy in the long run, when they reviewed the recording, the chats, the notes, the messages, … bubbling through it all was a single word, “But”. This word featured in the sentences they spoke and wrote to each other, about each other. And, this happened subconsciously.. “But!” What is that “But”? Instead of stopping with “Husband was lazy..”, they continued with, “..But we were able to joke about it almost everyday!” Happy story! “Wife was a terrible cook.. but, that helped us go out so often! We would indulge every taste bud differently every time! If only she had been a good cook, we would have missed all that!” “The Manager? He was introverted.. but, she had her own way of showing how much she loved us..” That “But”.. Instead of stopping it right there, pivoting almost 180 degrees, giving it a positive twist. Do it, if you get that naturally. And, if you don’t get it naturally, (Remember? Body controlling the mind?) make your tongue say it so that the mind learns it, he says.

Interesting book, I would recommend that you read it. But, there are two dark chapters in this book. One is about dating. The other is about parenting. For these two, a myth is exploded, and a less-than-a-minute tip is giving too. The tips given for Dating.. I felt they were inappropriate. It looked like almost cheating! I don’t think you need to use such tips. I wouldn’t want to tell them to you. The ones on Parenting? I want to fight with him about that.. Because.. parenting, it is a one-on-one game, and I don’t think tips can really be given generically, by anybody, to anybody else. So, “I won’t give you..” and “I can’t give you”! Sorry!

That brings us to the Closing Thought. We were talking about the Minute. Just because he has hair on his head, you may not have recognised this person yet, but, yes, same guy, our cult Guru, Seth Godin, a youth-time photo! He has said something very interesting about the Last Minute.. I would like to close after sharing that. What’s this Last Minute thing? This project you are working on? They often say, “Thank God! I just finished it in the last minute!” Seth says, “Sorry, dear friend! The Last Minute is not for DOING IT. It is not a buffer zone either.. where you put in additional effort to make up for the unforeseens.. It is not for you to cross-check and double-check either.. No! It is not for that either! What is it for? That Last Minute!? It is for you to enjoy those sixty seconds.. Have we completed the project? Great. Now, sit back and enjoy those sixty seconds. What are we enjoying? The happiness that comes to us because we planned well. We remind ourselves that we planned well. That is the sole reason for The Last Minute”, he says! It is the Seth telling us. We better listen to him! We shall meet again, soon! Thank you!